Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
