I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
