i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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