Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
