so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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