OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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