I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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