My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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