Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize