Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize