Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
