this just has baby written all over it
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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