FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
