Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
