Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have fence marks all over my body
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
