I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
