This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
