there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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