I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
