you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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