"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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