First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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