He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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