I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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