i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This is the high leading the old right now
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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