Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
