So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
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