Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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