Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
