my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
