Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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