ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
