Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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