tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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