You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
