I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
