I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
