you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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