Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize