3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
