i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Randomize
