The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
