White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
