i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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