I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
