Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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