Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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