I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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