did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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