I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
