a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
