Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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