you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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