when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
