i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
