Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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