Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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