I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You were trust falling into bushes
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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