so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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