are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize