I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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