apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
