I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
