How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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