you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i will never coherently bang her
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
