Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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