Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize