Where did you get a picture of my penis
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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