I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
