in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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