so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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